Sunday, March 19

A Note From the Editors

We, the editors, would like to apologise for the recent lack of activity on this blog, on behalf of its negligent author. We are very disappointed in Kassandra, and are seriously considering having her flogged for her lack of dedication. We will not accept any excuses, such as that she has been working 1o to 12 hours a day in an attempt to make up hours lost (due to sickness/obsessive and lengthy commenting on the blog). We stand firm in our decision. No pleas for mercy will penetrate our stony hearts. Thank you.

Kassandra says: Ah! The voices! In my head! Make them stop!

OK OK, no I'm not schizophrenic. That's just the voice of my conscience talking. And damn, while I've been "away" everone has been writing such interesting stuff on their blogs it'll take me ages to catch up.

Anyway, I've just got back from a very nice ouzo/mezedes with my cousin, and have a head bursting with thoughts, fighting with the ouzo fog that is trying to subsume everything with its sticky sweetness. My cousin has that effect on me - she's very vital and alive and no matter how much ouzo I drink we always have the most intersting conversations.

And the product of our conversation today is a Plan.
Yes, that's capital P Plan.
And we need your help.

As we all know, those of us who live in Athens anyway, life here can be a bit... frustrating to say the least. The lack consideration, empathy, decency, and basic politeness that one encounters on the streets - the result of living in a city overrun by the human swarm - is not only annoying, it is de-humanizing and may affect us more deeply, in terms of our psychological well-being, than we realise.

Something must be done!

To this end, we have decided to publish a manifesto of sorts (I do like my manifestos, don't I?) entitled: Twenty (30? 40? 50?) Steps to Being a Selfishly Successful Athenian. (working title - suggestions welcome).

This manifesto, when completed, will be photocopied and plastered over the city, at least until our supplies of change for the copies run out.

The items in the manifesto will be along the following lines:

1) When I'm driving in my car and see someone trying to cross the street, I will put my foot to the gas pedal and do my best to run them over. And I will remember that children, pregnant women, and old ladies are worth bonus points.
2) When the metro arrives and it's time to get on, I will forcefully push and shove my way through the people trying to get off, scattering their bodies left and right in my attempt to claim my prize - a seat. And should an old lady, pregnant woman, or injured/handicapped person get on, there is no way I will offer them my hard-won seat.
3) When a woman is trying to get on or off a bus, encumbered by children and a baby carriage, I will sit back and smile smugly as she struggles to get them all on safely. Never in a million years will I help her lift the carriage up.

And so on and so forth.

But that's just three items, and we're aiming for at least 20, or more if we can think of them. So please, if you've got any witticisms/criticisms you'd like to contribute in that vein - that is, scathingly sarcastic tips for being an asshole in Athens - feel free. (Maybe that should be the title!)

And perhaps when it's done you will see your contribution pasted on a marble pillar somewhere.

Thanks, and never fear, I will be posting more frequently from now on.
K

6 comments:

The SeaWitch said...

Suggestions for your manifesto:
Parking space thieves
Drivers who block a street so they can have conversations with someone on the sidewalk or in another car.
Profiteering. If you have an accent, prices suddenly increase. You will be short-changed and you will be overcharged in taxis.
Sales clerks prefer to talk on the phone or with their friends rather than serve you.

Do you need more? Let me know. LOL

deviousdiva said...

Once I have eaten my souvlaki, opened my new pack of cigerettes and made my packet- frappe, I will thow all the wrappers onto the street within spitting distance of a bin.

When I am driving I will make no attempt to watch the road. I will be far too busy talking on my mobile, smoking a cigerette, doing my make up or throwing my litter onto the street.

Anonymous said...

zardoz says :

hiya ms KASS , i hope
youre doing well with your
picture taking .

i would suggest , pics

of the health system , perhaps
i mean think of an article you write
on IKA pattission and a pic of
people outside . and paste on the
entrance of the building,
perhaps a doc in white robe
smoking while giving suggestions
of therapy to a cancer patient.

or people conversing ,
make-a-list
cop talking to immigrant
bus driver to pedestrian
worker to suit.

and so on ,

something that works in ANTITHESIS
OPTICALLY

and an article that works well
with photo..

thats my input,,
dont know if im right
but thanks for puttin up
with hairbrained ideas.


==== Z ====

BallAndDust said...

Boy, I sure have a lot to look forward to when I come back to Greece this September.

Kosta

kassandra said...

Thanks guys! Devious, I especially like the souvlaki wrappers within spitting distance of the bin one - a personal peeve of mine as well - in all countries of the world.
Zardoz, don't undervalue yourself; your ideas are not hairbrained! I'm a huge proponent of "a picture speaks a thousand words". Unfortunately, not being affiliated with any paper where I might publish such an article, to fit all those pictures clearly on one photocopy for posting purposes won't work too well...
But if I happen to pass by my IKA at 7 in the morning I'll take a snapshot for your amusement!
Cop talking to immigrant... that's a good one, too, especially if I could get a pic of the masses of motorbikes and cars illegaly parked on the pezodromo in the background, surely more irritating and dangerous than some nice guys trying to sell you stuff...

kassandra said...

Never mind the IKA photo! Apparently Ellas Devil has beat me to the punch. Check out his great photo here.